I Should Be So Lucky

ESPN is reporting that The Green Bay Packers GM Ted Thompson flew to Mississippi to meet with Brett Favre.  The Packers then offered Favre 20 Million over 10 years if Favre would agree to stay retired!

So let me get this straight, “We don’t want you, please stay away from us, we are angry you are putting us in a bind…. here is 20-Million.”

Does pro football have that much money that it can pay athletes 20 Million dollars just to sit home and watch TV?  Take the deal Brett, for 2-million a year you can do what you want with no headaches and especially no body aches.

If You Don’t Toot Your Own Horn, No One Will

I am pleased to announce, Grant’s Rant has been getting some terrific publicity lately.

1. The Dallas Observer’s Unfair Park Blog apparently got a kick out of my “Death of the Rhyme” post. (See Below)
2. T.V. Critic Ed Bark usually hates everything I do, but he did give credit to Grant’s Rant last week, check out his blog post on Uncle Barky.
3. And even ESPN Radio’s Dale Hansen, who throws around compliments like manhole covers, did compliment me on his radio show for being one of the few reporters to ask Tony Romo about the Jessica Simpson situation.  I blogged about how Tony was not happy with me right here on Grant’s Rant.

The Death of the Rhyme

Yesterday I was “slow creep’n” down I-35 with NBC5 Photojournalist Quincy Thomas, AKA Q-Pac.  We both have a favorite XM radio channel called “The Rhyme.”  It’s Ole’ School rap from guys like Big Daddy Cane, Run DMC, Cool Mo Dee and the list goes on.  For some reason, I love the stuff, the beats, the scratches but especially the rhymes.  I’ll do the “Humpty Dance” all night long.

Sitting there in rush hour traffic got me thinking, why don’t rappers rhyme anymore?  There’s no more, “put your hands in the air, like you just don’t care” lyrics.  The Fat Boys, The Beastie Boys, Run DMC and the boys all had more rhymes then Picasso had paint, they were so smooth they’d make you faint.

Is it creative laziness? Or is the Hip Hop community simply rhymed out?  Are all the rhyming combinations really used up?  The death of the rhyme is all to real.

I know there are more combos out there, and I don’t mean meals.  If I can bust a rhyme so should the rappers of tomorrow.

“I’m G-Stinch of the Six O’clock hour, uncovering the news is my power.  I hold the mic like a gun firing facts at you… Who can rap the news? Me… That’s who!”

Congress Will Never Change, Politicians Can’t Change

Politicians shouldn’t run “for” congress.  They should run “against” it.  All new politicians talk about “change” and how it’s time for “out with the old and in with the new.”  But has anyone noticed, since the 1960’s politics in Washington is still the same old dirty game it always has been?

There have been freshman who have come into office intent on swaying the power structure in favor of the people, those same freshman, end up as 10, even 20 year incumbents.  They ultimately leave office for fat cat lobbying jobs.  Sadly, I wonder, can anything be done?  Will things ever change?  My gut feeling tells me no, impossible. 

But with that said, good people, good candidates, shouldn’t give up on trying.

A Jessica Sex Tape? The First Distraction

A British tabloid is reporting that a secret 25 minute sex tape of Jessica Simpson and her ex-husband Nick Lachey has leaked out and could hit the Internet serves within days.  Jessica is insisting no such tape exists, I tend to believe her.

The problem is it is one more distraction, Tony Romo doesn’t need.  Imagine your girlfriend is forced to fight rumors about a sex tape that shows her in the middle of all kind of Pam Anderson activities.  I would imagine it would upset you too, just as it would upset Tony.

If there is any truth to the Internet Rumor that is now spreading like a California wildfire, my team of Romo-Simpson agents will get to the bottom of it.

Jessica Watch in Full Effect: Secret Agents Posted

Sam Hale -NBC5

It is Cowboys mania out in Oxnard and has happy as the fans are for the return of players and coaches, they are really waiting for the arrival of one more star, Jessica Simpson.

I have always loved reporting on the Jessica Simpson – Tony Romo Saga for one reason, and one reason only, it drives traffic to Grant’s Rant. The fact is, I am never afraid to “Pimp” my blog for a little publicity. 

I now have sources placed all over Oxnard ready to call me as soon as the lovely singer arrives.  Any news related to Jessica and Tony, you will find it here on Grant’s Rant thanks to the brave men who agreed to be enlisted for the very important job of “Jessica Watch.”

Agent 1: C.J. Johnson (above):  Not only does he have the eyes of a hawk, but if there is a pretty girl around C.J. will spot her.  And he loves talking on the phone so he’s happy for one more job that gives him a reason to call someone.

Agent 2: Sam Hale (above):  Nicknamed the “Sports Master,” Sam secretly knows the key to Cowboys success is unearthing the truth behind the “Jessica Jinx.”  While producing for sports for Newy, Sam is well aware his first responsibility is actually working as a secret agent on the look out for one lovely singer.

Both Sam and C.J. tell me they have inside sources that tell them, Jessica will arrive on Thursday.  So far both agents tell me Tony has been preforming well at camp.  The first test will be if he can keep it up after his girlfriend arrives.

It’s Hot as Hell and I’m Not Going to Take it Anymore!

1. “You get used to the heat.”
2. “It’s a dry Heat.”
3. “I’d rather have this then 20 degrees any day.”
4. “It’s not that bad out.”
5. “The heat keeps me loose.”

Those are all quotes I heard from delusional people on the golf course today.  My quote to them, “Gimme a break!”  It’s 105 degrees outside!

I actually have a few other quotes of my own referring to the Texas Heat Wave we are experiencing:

1. “This sucks!”
2. “It’s Hot as ****!” (Feel free to substitute any four letter word)
3. “I can’t take it anymore!”
4. “I’m F-ing dying out here!”
5. “Honey crank the AC some more!”
6. “Is God angry with us about something?”
7. “Summer in Texas is like spending 4 months on the surface of Mars.”
8. “Water Please…. No pour it over my head!”
9. “I’d kill for October in New England right now!”
10. “This Sucks!!!”  (The first one only had one exclamation point.)

Wade and His Gangsta Wardrobe

Ron Jenkins Star-Telegram

I had to laugh when I saw this picture of Cowboys Head Coach Wade Phillips in the Star-T this morning.  Is he trying to make some kind of bizarre effort to fit in with his players?  Those are about as big and baggy as shorts can get.  I thought they were reserved for the youngsters being targeted by Dallas’s failed “Pull Up Your Pants” campaign.

He could hide Pac Man Jones in those shorts.  Do they double as his wife’s living room curtains?  Wade, I love you man, but your pushing senior citizen status and those shorts are just plain silly, unless you wear them with suspenders and big red shoes.

How about a nice pair of khaki Nike golf shorts?  Even blue ones with a nice pleat in front would work.  For some reason you just don’t pull off the “Gang Banger” look very well.  While we are at it, get some ankle socks too, the Doctor J. look is out as well.

A Violent Sex Club?

Unless you are particularly kinky, sex and violence don’t mix well.  Most of you have probably heard about the Duncanville “house party” known as the “Cherry Pit.”  A place for swingers to go and do their thing on a Friday and Saturday night.  The problem is the “Cherry Pit” is in the middle of a neighborhood.

It doesn’t take the gang on “Law and Order” to figure out something is wrong at the Cherry Pit.  You can’t have dozens of cars parked every night outside a house every weekend, charge a $50 “donation”, and give out “fun money” to be spent on sex acts.  The Cherry Pit is even registered as a sole proprietorship so any question that it is not a business will be hard to prove.  To put it bluntly, it’s not the kind of place I would want to live next door to.

But I don’t think the Cherry Pit is a violent place no matter what the police or the Dallas Morning news might want you to think.  The News said investigators found a ”cache of loaded guns.”  If three shotguns and a .38 count as a “cache” then most Texans are probably guilty of hoarding a “cache” of weapons.  Last I checked in Texas, it is legal for Texans to keep guns in their homes and 4 guns, in my opinion does not equal a cache.

I have heard plenty of complaints about the “Cherry Pit” all are most likely warranted.  But the one thing I have never heard of is police being called out to break up a fight.  No reports of shots fired either.  Most of the noise complaints stem from the DJ playing loud music.

We in the media need to take a “chill pill” on the gun issue.  Take a look at the guns investigators did find, they look more like civil war replicas than the tools of violent organized gangsters.  Plus If I had 100 people coming to my house just to have sex, I think I might want some protection too.  And not just the Smith and Wesson kind of protection!

Batman Arrested in London

What is it with stars and their inability to stay out of trouble?  Check out this story in the Sun.  Batman star Christian Bale was arrested in London under charges that he assaulted his mother and sister.  The Dark Knight apparently had a Dark Moment.

With each punch I wonder if a cartoonish “Wham” “Kazam” “POW” appeared over his head.

Jeeping, jimminey crickets Batman, what were you thinking? 

Instead of spending time in THE bat cave he may have to spend time in A bat infested cave known more as a jail cell.  Bale recently told a reporter he has been having bouts with depression and insomnia, but everyone knows bats don’t sleep at night.