Congress Passes Bail Out Plan – For Themselves

Today Congress approved a sweeping bail out plan to ensure all members of Congress are re-elected.  The House joined the Senate in voting unanimously to take 200 of the 700 billion dollars meant for Wall Street and split it amongst their own campaign coffers.

Realizing a “Wall Street Bail Out” would never get done before Election Day, House leaders came up with a plan to use government debt to finance their re-election campaigns to ensure each member of Congress  would be able to return to Washington to work on the plan to calm financial markets.

“We are all in this together,” one Congressman said, “If we can’t return to D.C. together, then we refuse to bail out the fat cats of Wall Street.”  Another prominent Senator stated boldly, “This plan let’s the American people know once and for all, we in Congress are just out for ourselves, no more lies or deceit, the only goal now is to get re-elected.”

Political operatives believe the plan is a brilliant one.  Here is what one strategist said, “The media will now be focused on how Congress voted to give themselves millions in tax payer dollars to finance their own re-election campaigns.  The media will forget all about the crisis on Wall Street.”

Finally one congressional leader summed it up this way, “After we buy ourselves another term, using tax payer dollars, then we can get back to the business of solving the financial crisis.”  But most insiders believe they won’t work too fast, they are loving all the TV interviews that come with the stalemate.

(Note To Gullible Readers:  This is satire and for entertainment purposes only)

Mild Manered Congressman Sinks the Market or Saves It?

Is Republican Congressman Jeb Hensarling now saying what the hell did I get myself into?  Many in Washington are crediting him, or blaming him for yesterday’s failed “Bail Out” vote.  The mild mannered, often unnoticed, congressman from Dallas now has himself smack in the middle of the nation’s worst financial crisis since the Great Depression.

Congressional insiders tell me Hensarling was instrumental in pulling his fellow republicans onto the “vote no” side.  When the stock market plummeted nearly 800 points Hensarling told me, “it was gut wrenching to watch.”  Even he acknowledges some kind of action needs to be taken to calm the financial markets.  If Congress doesn’t act soon, it will be “gut wrenching” to watch my 401k disappear before my eyes.

No Bail Out Means More Uncertainty

The merits of the bail out deal can be debated until the end of time.  All the arguments are compelling:

1.  Why reward risky behavior? 
2.  Why should the tax payer bail out wealthy wall street? 
3.  If we don’t the economy will suffer.
4.  With out a bail out the credit market comes to a halt.

No matter what you believe, the lack of a deal leaves us in uncertain times.  That is why the Dow dropped nearly 800 points.  Investors do not like uncertain times. 

As much as I hate the thought of bailing out the Titans of Wall Street, I just want the doom and gloom to stop.  I think the only way it does stop is with some kind of a deal. 

How serious are our lawmakers about solving this crisis?  We shall see, getting re-elected may be more important.  Election day is not far off and the incumbents have not had much time to do any campaigning.  Let’s see if they choose to do that instead of staying in D.C. to hammer out a deal that will calm the American Investor.

The Bankers Knew we Were Suckers

Last I checked “Sub Prime” means below prime.  Sub Prime means risky, and it means the people who banks lend to have a history of not paying their bills.  The banks decided to play in that game, no one twisted their arms.  Giving a loan to someone who typically can’t pay it back is a dangerous game, and the banks got caught with their financial pants down.

I would love to play the stock market, betting only on penny stocks, knowing my broker will cover all my loses should I lose.  In reality that is what the banks are getting away with.  They took a gamble and now want the American Tax Payer to cover their gambling debts.

Remember Sub Prime, means Sub Prime… Why is anyone surprised the people who took out those loans can’t pay them back?  And why should we bail out the banks who offered them?

The reason is simple, the banks now have the American economy by the “you know what.”  We don’t have a choice but to bail them out.  Maybe those bankers were smarter then we think, they approved high risk loans, with no risk at all.  I guess the tax payers are the suckers.